dream blog #1

last night i had a dream, people in this dream were my family and my friend zach and some random people from a gym and a pond.

first thing i remember was that there was a natural disaster of some sort. my family was forced to move into an abandoned warehouse/hotel. zach needed an ironing board and i went to the gym to get him one. ithe gym was like globo gym from dodgeball, but it was red. they threw medicine balls at me before i could get the ironing board...i was back in the hotel-warehouse and we knew someone was a traitor in the group and we didnt know who it was. when we walked in the door, zach went to his room. i was laying on the floor and i looked down the long hall and i saw him get our suitcases, which were balloons, and jump out the window.i decided he must be the traitor since he stole our suitcases and jumped out the window so i ran after him. i jumped out the window, onto the rusty old balcony. he was running into the bushes below me, there was no time to use the stairs so in a full sprint i grabbed on to the railing and jumped. it flipped me down to the ground, matrix style. i chased after him and caught him on the other side of a pond and we started fighting. he had a big bag of drugs now. we were trying to punch but neither of us could punch hard. after we stopped fighting he told me he wasnt the traitor and he just left so he could do his drugs away from my family, they had spilled all over the grass during our tussle. i convinced him he didnt need his drugs and we started to go back to the hotel-warehouse. we had to cross a little river that flowed out of the pond to get back. there was a monster in the river. it had a giant, flat head and a little body. it ate a family playing in the river beside us in one big flat-headed bite. we jumped across the little river and thats all i remember.

michael is a classy man

this mans name is michael. i dont know know him, but i wish i did. he made a website just to show off his kilts. it takes a real man to wear a knee-length denim skirt, and even more of a man to model it on his own website. michael is confidence. see that stick he has? i bet he uses it to kill bears and rescue children from hungry vikings. regular pants cant contain michael. he would wear them if he could, but pants are afraid of him, and who can blame them, hes like superman with a mustache. this is from his website,
"Worn with sandals and rugby shirt for a casual look."
michael, you say casual, i say mind-blowing. thank you for blessing the world.
http://www.longshadows.us/michael_kilts.html

hey weather, its me again.

so i know i said i didnt want it to be hot anymore. for a while i thought we were good, giving us fall weather during fall and what not, but its still fall now. i think you might have forgotten because it snowed last week. a little snow is cool and everything but it wasnt enough to get me out of school, and theres still some left because it hasnt been warmer than thirty five degrees in a week, and theres ice on the lake. its cold, youre being mean again and i dont appreciate it. i just want my fall weather for a few more weeks, its my favorite. so hop on that and give me highs of sixty if you dont mind. thanks weather, love you.

im a little scared of this.

this picture creeps me out. i dont really know why, but you should be afraid too because that dog is wearing pants. he acts like its no big deal, but i think we all know it is a big deal. look at the pants, why do they have red stuff on the bottom? its a mystery, a scary one. my next question is, does this dog also speak words like a person because its wearing clothes like one. could it possibly be a human who has just been turned into a dog and hes still wearing his clothes? if someone goes to the trouble to dress their dog like a human, there should be an investigation. the owner of this dog, if it has one, should be investigated. lets be honest theyre probably a criminal, or possibly a family of criminals like the mob. only a mobster would put pants on a dog.

craftmanship or craftsmanship...

you may have noticed that my blogs name is craftmanship in chaos, and if youre extra observant you also have noticed that i spelled craftsmanship wrong. i might have just realized it this morning, or maybe i did it on purpose. youll never know, becasue im not going to tell. its a decision you have to make for yourself. am i really an idiot or is there a deeper meaning to it? a clever play on words, maybe too clever. its hard to say, i would also like to point out that i know the first letter of a sentence should be capitalized and punctuation doesnt always make its way where it should be. i do know how to use correct grammar, but i chose not to do it. you might ask why, but theres not really a reason for that one. the real question is craftmanship or craftsmanship.

hey car, why are you so loud?

this is  a letter to my car, a '96 ford explorer. it makes loud noises now. it sounds a lot like i punched holes in my exhaust, but i did not, theyre there though. rust did that to my car, and now people look at me at red lights. i dont want people to do that. i might put a sign on my car that says i didnt punch holes in my exhaust. then people might realize this is not may fault and they shouldnt stare with a condescendingly at my poor little car. if my car were a man it would be super old and it would have gray, and very dirty hair and body and a raspy smoker voice and it would sometimes forget the time and my favorite radio staions. occasionally when im driving down the road, i need to stop so i put my foot on the brake, when i do this the radio stations go crazy and run up in number until i stop touching my brakes. my car is ghetto thats all.

3 minute blog

rainbows are weird all colorful and stuff, otters are cool though. its hard to think if theres a lot of stuff stuff happening around you. its been three minutes now bye

if i were an animal

i would be a spider because i dont like them, thats what batman did. but if i was a spider like batman is a bat, that would make me spiderman. thats a problem because theres already a spiderman, but thats ok becasue i would be spiderman if i were a spider a would be a spider. im not really sure thats what i want to be though because a lot of people dont like spiders and some things like to eat them so i wouldnt be a spider i would be a lion. that would be better, but i dont really want to hunt poor little antelopes and eat their raw meat so i dont want to be a lion either, i like peace. lions arent peaceful so ill be a hedgehog, their pretty peaceful and i would sharpen my back quills and live in a tree trunk.

the perfect super power

that would be super speed if you were wondering, and by super speed i dont mean the ability to run extremely fast. running fast is cool but its not the perfect super power, i mean the ability to do normal things at the speed of light, or faster.you wouldnt just be speeding your legs up, you would be able to speed your entire body up to several times the speed of light. this is perfect because you can basically teleport, fly if you jumped and walk or run on water if you choose. another thing this would allow you to do is basically stop time by moving so fast that no one is able to see you or even realize that you were gone. you could play great jokes on people or become the greatest magician ever to live. the possibilities are endless, thats why its the best.

stairs arent cool

you never see the popular kids in the movies walking on stairs for their slow motion scene to show how awesome or good looking they are. these scenes are always set in hallways or back alleys, thats the perfect place to boost your cool with slow motion, not stairs. i understand their purpose, but its very difficult to look cool while using them. any way you walk up or down stairs people around you can make assumptions about you that arent necessarily true. if you climb too fast they will wonder what youre in a hurry for and people will eventually start calling you nerd because you always run to class. if you walk fast while wearing athletic apparel, youre too poor for a gym membership. if you walk too slowly you might get pegged as slacker or someone who is out of shape, and people will constantly ask you to race them to boost their self-esteem. if you go with the every-other step approach theyll just think youre weird, unless you have abnormally long legs then its alright. if you choose to tackle them backwards, your a freak and people will shield their children from you. if you can walk on your hands, it would be impressive, but lets be honest, it would get old and people wouldnt like you. in addition to causing people to make judgments about you, stairs are dangerous. falling down them can lead to serious health problems. escalators would be much better because theres definitely potential to look cool while youre standing still while slowly moving to another floor at the same time, but escalators are bulky and expensive which makes them impractical. a fireman's pole would be a perfect alternative for going down, and trampolines would work for going up, so lets do that.

dear teachers

student: can i go to the bathroom?

teacher: i dont know can you?

if a teacher pulls this nonsense he deserves to be peppered with roadkill, seriously its a problem. im obviously not questioning my ability to go to the bathroom, im a grown man. history, math and science teachers, you arent being paid to correct my grammar, so stop it. yes, it was funny the first time i heard it in seventh grade but im not twelve anymore and it makes me want to throw things at you. the only time this is tolerable is if it comes from an english teacher, because its their job, but most of them have class so they dont say it. so non-english teachers next time you feel the urge to spice up your class with a little grammatical correction humor please dont. you may have to bite your tongue or slap someone in the face, but for all of us, please behave yourself and hold back the grammar police inside of you. its the right thing to do.

in loving memory (follow up on i have a dog)

i dont have a dog anymore. he died today laying under the big bush in the sunshine where he always sleeps. im sad now, even though he didnt really do anything but bark and sleep we miss him. we all liked to make jokes about how old he was (almost 17) and the crazy old dog things he did. things like get his chain tangled around a tree and develop droopy neck skin like a turkeys gizzard etc. but we still loved him and now that hes gone we'll miss him. RIP Appy

...sleeping

desk spider

these things are out to get me, i dont like it. ive blogged about shower spiders before and now apparently theyve moved to the computer desk. the latest of which i just smahed with a calendar. he was a big dumb one though, easy kill. however i can think of another that wasnt so easy.

• creepy little desk spider                      sunday afternoon, it was cloudy out. i caught a quick glimpse of him as he slid behind the monitor, and when i looked he was gone. a few minutes later i noticed him on the table beside the desk that holds the printer. he was stealthily scaling the side of said printer. he reached the top and just stared at me. he was a small, round jumping spider with 4 eyes and furry fangs beneath them. i didnt like the way he just sat there with his creepy little eyes so i through a pen top at him and he dodged it and stayed there staring at me, then i through the pen with deadly accuracy and he was knocked off the top of the printer but in a few seconds he was standing on the paper tray with the same stare. next i tried to smash him with a sandal but he escaped with a lightning fast jump and scurried to the bottom of the paper tray where he continued to stare. this time it was far more creepy because he was upside down in the shadow of the tray. i watched for a second then knocked him in the floor and smashed him nice, several times actually, to make sure he was gone. i celebrated for a second then went back to my homework, feeling good about my hard earned victory.

math can die

i know it really cant but thats all the more reason to want it to. if math is a dinosaur i want to be the comet, but in reality i am the dinosaur and somehow i am continually being smashed by the same comet. my little dinosaur bones have recently been crushed again, i dont even look like a dinosaur anymore. im just a pile of dust.


 on a serious note. if i were a ninja, and math was someone or something a ninja doesnt like, i would harm mathematics in every way possible. if i had a laser cannon----------------------------------------------------->
i would shoot math, math would die and i would be happy. i want to dropkick math off a cliff that overhangs an endless field of meat grinders and rhinoceroses. i dont like math.

chairs with wheels

wheels should be put on all chairs because it just makes sense. who wants to lift a chair when you can have fun rolling it. even stools should have wheels on them. these would have locks though so you can still enjoy your afternoon soup with ease. think of how much more fun walking your dog would be if you you were on a sofa. there are so many activities that could be made more fun with rolly chairs, simple things like playing the saxophone, jumping rope or bowling. wheels on dinner chairs would even make vegetables taste good and no one would ever fall asleep in church if their pew could glide across the sanctuary. as well as being extremely practical putting wheels on all chairs would be baskets of fun. everyone knows that fun in chairs that roll is the coolest and most enjoyable form of fun. one thing its not ok to do with rolling chairs is being lazy. wheels are not attached to chairs so you dont have to stand up to get the stapler thats just out of reach, they are put there to maximize fun and to make people happy. unless sleeping on your rolly couch makes you happy. sleeping on said couch would result in a slap to the face, sometimes two.

7:19 AM

im at school, thats not cool. it would be better if i were sleeping or at least in my home eating breakfast. but im not, its a sad life waking up at 5:30 every morning. i feel like im a coal miner or a traffic cop. the only people who should have to wake up this early are people who have recently been released from prison or animals (even though theyre not people). if i were an animal it would be ok to be up at such and unreasonable hour because there would be fun animal activities to be done and they would last the whole day. im not an animal though, im a human.

hey weather, whats up?

its october 28 today, its hot and thats not cool. living in raleigh i expect the weather to be weird but this has gone too far. i am a fan of seasons and id like to see some of the fall one please, im talking to you weather. if i was a child and i still thought the man in the tv made the weather i would cry because he was so mean. every other year of my life its felt like fall during fall, but not this time. the weather teased us with its rude tricks a few times and in late september when it finally began cooling down i was happy and thought to myself that the world was doing just fine. next thing i know its october and its hot and terrible things are happening around the globe. i want to gain 500 pounds and sit on the weather until it promises to play nice and do what its supposed to do. i guess it could be global warming and if it is im going to throw things at people who drive any car but a prius and ill give candy to people who walk and ride bikes. i dont think thats what it is though, so weather lets do the right thing and chill out a little.

what if there was an arm growing out of your face

it would be a hard life. you wouldnt be able to control the arm on your face, it would do everything on its own. it would grab things that you had no intention of grabbing. if you were walking down a street it might tickle another man or steal a balloon from a child. you would constantly be apologizing for all of the dirty tricks your facearm would pull. it wouldnt only embarrass you by being mean to others, it would constantly be annoying because of the shenanigans it would carry out on you. it would put gross things in your mouth when you werent looking. it would punch your ears when you need to listen, poke your eyes when you need to see, and slap your face when it was cold out. when you have sleepovers with your friends it would play cruel jokes like putting its stubby armface fingers in a warm glass of water when you fell asleep. all of the other kids would laugh at you. it would be very competitive, so competitive that it would beat small orphans in a game of slaps. then the orphans would cry. you would feel terrible and apologize but they would just call you a meanie and run away, even though you did nothing. you would hate your face arm and cut it off. it would make you happy until you took the bandage off and discovered you now have two facearms. one was puny and it would get picked on by the other. the bully facearm would force the wimpy facearm to arm wrestle with it. the bully arm would have no trouble pinning the teeny arm down. it would pin it right on your broken nose that will never heal because your mean face arm grabs it all the time. eventually you would have no friends because of your facearms awful personality. life would not be pleasent with an arm growing out of your face.

Story Part One

I am writing this letter to you as a last resort to save my best friend. I used to have a friend named Denlin, we have been best friends since the day we were born. He was the most popular person in our high school and he was even famous throughout our little mining town of Gaphole, Tennessee. Everyone who met him loved him. He could cheer up anyone having a bad day with just a smile and a kind word. We did everything together right up to the day he died, actually he was murdered, with a crossbow, by a bear. I realize that doesn't make sense to you, but I can explain. First things first, you should know that this is the year 3010 and the future is very different. We don't have cars or roads like you do because everyone can teleport. Theres no disease and time travel for inanimate objects like this letter has recently become possible. There are no cellphones anymore but we can communicate with anyone across the universe with nanobots that are injected into our blood. These nanobots have also increased human life expectancy up to 359 years and its still growing. You might be thinking that the future sounds pretty good right now and it would be except for one thing. The bears.

http://coolkidshavehikingboots.blogspot.com/2010/09/story-part-two.html --- thats where the rest is if you want it.

30 quality words and some pictures

1. Ingenious
2. Blast
3. Indian
4. Abstract
5. Jujitsu

6. Benign
7. Quack
8. Jingle
9. Mangle
10. Glitter
11. Tower
12. Flagstaff
13. Shroud
14. Humdinger
15. Jelly
16. Gawk
17. Camber
18. Zigzag
19. Ebony
20. Yellow
21. Fluff
22. Bubble
23. Spigot
24. Jumble
25. Heifer
26. Gnome
27. Able
28. Festival
29. Pickle
30. Spoon

brain cakes suck

i had the joy of making a three dimensional representation of the human brain today. for some inexplicable reason i decided it would be easiest if i made it out of cake, i was wrong. it 8:00 now and im not done and i still have two papers to write before tomorrow. you might wonder why im blogging when i have all of this work to get done. im not answering that because i dont want to because i still want to go back downstairs and pulverize the stupid brain cake. i would have been done a while ago had my left hemisphere not tried to commit suicide in my kitchen floor. it took a whole jar of icing to fix it and now it sits, misshapen and unhappy beside the almost perfect right hemisphere. i also had to replace my medulla several times and i nearly body slammed the whole thing when attempting to ice the cerebellum. after all of this im still not finished, i still have to make the key for the whole thing. now im going to go at least try to get some of my other homework done

Beakfast

My favorite meal of the day is breakfast. It always has been, breakfast food is just better than any other type of food. Not only do I like to eat breakfast food I like to make breakfast food. I'd say my favorite food to eat for breakfast are muffins but not just any muffins. There is one kind of muffin in particular that is better in my mind than any other kind.  Giant muffins. But not just any kind of giant muffins, cream cheese flavored giant muffins from sam's. I'm convinced these are the tastiest form of giant muffin in the world. I don't know what it is about these muffins that I like so much and they come in packs of 12 muffins but only four of the twelve are cream cheese cheese. This presents a problem of what to do with the other eight. I've come up with a few solutions to my problem. I can let them dry out a little and throw them at people or my sisters cat or I can give them to homeless people those are the two that come to mind but Ive done other things similar to those and maybe in the future I'll mix them together and throw them at homeless people. I probably won't do that.

Story Part Two

The long history of these unwanted bears began with Grump Gilman. Grump was born on November 11, 1997 and in my opinion, hes done more harm to the human race than any other person to ever walk the earth. Grump grew up loving bears more than anything in the world. His love for bears in addition to his extreme awkwardness made everyone hate him. Grump was a genius but since he had dyslexia and attention deficit disorder he failed school and dropped out at the age of sixteen. A few weeks after Grump dropped out he had the idea to make bears be able to communicate with him so he would have someone to talk to. It began as a hobby but soon it took up every waking moment of his life. He had a few breakthroughs but he suddenly became ill and died having accomplished nothing but teaching a bear sign language. Grump's legacy was left in a pile of old video journals he had kept while conducting his experiments. Several years after he had died his nephews were playing hide and seek in their grandparents house and they found his videos. They began watching them and they thought they were so ridiculous that they put them on the Internet to become the next hit on YouTube. Two years later a young man also named Grump Gilman found these videos and thought it was his destiny to complete Grump's legacy and create a talking bear. The new Grump was far more successful in his experiments than the old Grump. He was doing so well that the US Army hired him and turned his hobby into top secret “Operation Bearclaw.” After nearly 300 years of secret genetic testing and modification Operation Bearclaw reached a dead end. They produced two bear-human hybrids, but they were useless to the Army. One of them was a male and the other a female. Their names were Yogie and Eve, these two barely could be called bears from a scientific perspective because almost all of their dna was replaced with that of humans or chimpanzees. However, they do have a similar physical attributes like the bears you know. They are about the size of an average person and their skin is covered with a soft coat, with colors like you are used to with bears. Their heads and faces look similar to your bears as well, and they can talk but for some reason almost every one of them have very soft, effeminate voices. After Operation Bearclaw ended they planned to terminate Yogie and Eve, but they escaped before the Army had the chance. Yogie and Eve hated humans for what they had done to them in the years of being held captive. They devised a plan to get back at the humans and take over America. As soon as they escaped they went public and after the initial shock, tree-huggers and animal rights activists welcomed them into our culture. Yogie and Eve toured the world, making billions of dollars which allowed them to move to a remote island in the Philippines where they would build an army of thousands of little bear-human babies in secret. They passed on their hatred for humans to these offspring and when they were full grown they launched their attack on America. It immediately failed but because people are stupid they were welcomed back into our society. Years passed and the bears welcome wore off and they were moved into bear-ghettos where food was scarce and hardly any of them had the opportunity for an education. As a result of this almost all of the bear youth were involved in violent bear gangs. These gangs seemed somewhat harmless at first because of the bears inability to sound threatening due to their soft, lispy voices. No one took them seriously so nothing was done until it was too late. By the time we discovered the heinous crime and living conditions of the ghettos there was nothing that could be done. They were beyond help and the population in the ghettos went up almost 600% because of welfare. Even though it was a lost effort from the start the government tried to fix the bears by taking them out of the ghettos and putting them in good communities throughout the country. Unfortunately, Gaphole was one of these communities. They stormed into our quiet town with their ridiculous bear-thug behavior and little girl voices. Nobody wanted them here and they didn't want to be here. They were forced into our school. Apparently several of them were members of opposing gangs. Recently a museum was opened in our town and we were given extra-credit to take the opening day tour. The whole school was there and as Denlin and I walked through the primitive hunting exhibit we saw of the two bears from the opposing gangs begin to get a little scruff. Everyone always liked to watch these because their raspy little girl voices made them hilarious. As I watched the speech impaired whisper fight, along with everyone else in the room, I heard a zing sound from behind me. I turned just in time to see Denlin jump in front of we and take a crossbow arrow to the chest. A little girl bear who had been left unsupervised had picked up the ancient crossbow, which was loaded for some inexplicable reason, and as she awkwardly fumbled it between her paws it fired. The arrow was headed strait for me and Denlin saved my life. Right before he died I promised him I would make things right. That is why I have written this letter and sent it back in time for you. I need you to find Grump Gilman and become his friend so he never has to make friends with a bear. It is very important that you do this for me and if my friend is returned to me I promise to send the scores of the next 300 Super Bowl games in my next letter.

colorku-evil

my mom really likes sudoku she does them all the time when she watches tv instead of actually watching

it. I don't know who, but someone gave her a gift one year called colorku. it's sudoku with a Wooden board and color balls that are used like the numbers in a normal sudoku puzzle. Personally I think sudokus are the most difficult thing japan has ever created. I can't even complete the easiest ones. Whoever made the colorku is an evil genius. Evil because its even more difficult than regular sudoku and they are only a genius if they can complete it because it really does take a genius. I've tried a couple of times but I always end up just just making patterns with the balls, which is actually very entertaining and even more difficult than actually doing the puzzle. i usually just quit and use the couch for what it was made for, sleeping and watching tv. also it's fun to throw them at my cat.

My cat just hunted fingernail clippers...

She started on one side on the couch, clippers lying on the other side. She starred at them for a while before slowly getting up and moving in her hunting pose. I thought she was coming for me but when she got closer I could tell where she was going. My mom was busy yelling at the football game on the tv..her team is still losing, I don't think she learned her lesson, now theyre losing worse. Anyway she missed out on the funniest thing my sleep deprived brain has seen all day. The cat pounced, smacked the clippers in the floor, jumped a foot in the air and two feet backwards and turned and ran into the next room. After she ran in she immediately turned and walked back leisurely to the couch and went to sleep. Now shes rolling on a towel.

english class

i am not a fan of english class. mostly because i dont like english. i wish i spoke a different language like any kind of chinese or at least had a sweet accent to compliment my english language. i can fake a accent pretty well but its not the same and i always feel like everyone can tell. i know of a way that i could not be english anymore. i could learn a foreign language and move to wherever this language is spoken. eventually i would be so emersed in the culture of this foreign land that i would completely forget that i ever came from america and life would be good.

Some people take sports way to seriously, I don't get it. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sports if it a team I care about but I know peole who will just watch any kind of sports that happen to be on the tv. Honestly if it's not Virginia tech football I'm going to fall asleep pretty quick. My dad went to school there and my brother went to the school who's beatin them now. dad left like he does whenever they're losing. Im probably going to fall asleep anyway swing as I've slept a grand total of 9 hours the last two days. This game is beginning to make me angry I think I might go join my dad or maybe try to finish some homework

incredible feat

So one day as I walked into my ap psychology class sat down on a desk an proceeded to flick my shoe off of my foot, into the air to do a complete flip then catch it back on my foot as if it never left. First time. This is a big deal. I had never successfully completed this before an I haven't been able to since. There aren't many things that I can think of that are harder to do. Successfully climbing a brick wall that is on fire while having arrows shot at you or defeating a hoard of starved lions and various other hunter cats. My point is it's a hard thing to do. There's no room for humility in this.

my girlfriend told me one day that she hates kittens. i did not understand. i can understand he hatred for full grown cats but not kittens. kittens are cute, nobody hates them. she went on to tell me about a kitten her sister was given for christmas one year. it was a black cat and for some reason it loved water, she said whenever there was running water turned on in the house it would find a way to get where the water was and then get into the water. even if someone was in the shower it would push open the door (they dont close all the way) and it would get in the shower with you. that cat sounds like a winner to me. im not really a cat person, there are many other kinds of pets i would rather have but i dont mind most cats.

i have a dog

my grandma gave him to us when i was one year old. his name is Appy because when i was that young i called all animals "appies" according to my parents and apparently they felt like that was a good name for a dog. we always liked appy when we were kids, even though he would bark all the time and run away whenever he got out of his fence or off his chain; depending on what house we were living in at the time. its pretty safe to say, at 17, theres a good chance he wont be around a whole lot longer. his hair is turning from gold to grey and it falls out sometimes. i think ill make a list of things ill remember about him.
1. having birthday parties for him at our old house
2. only one of his ears can stands up when hes listening for something
3. in the winter he gets bald spots
4. he bit my brothers face, right beneath the eye (he deserved it)
5. he only walks on three legs most of the time
6. he has nasty eye gunk but the vet gave us eye drops for him
7. he got in a fight with a raccoon and it somehow made his bark high pitched and he barely soudns like a dog anymore.
8. he cant walk in a strait line anymore
9. he wrapped himself around a tree so many times we couldnt untie him without cutting down the tree and it somehow left him with a turkey gizzard like neck roll
(happened yesterday)

shower spider

over the summer i spent two weeks on a mission trip to Brazil. we stayed in a house that had three showers for over twenty of us, in one of these showers lived shower spider. shower spider was very sneaky. only two people actually saw it but seven of us were bitten, every one of us bitten on the back of our right leg. no one knows why he choose wanted to bit us, all we were doing was trying to be clean. maybe shower spider didn't want us to be clean, he was not a nice spider like you may have read about in Charlotte's Web. he was pure evil. a kind of evil that hates clean people the most if there is such a thing. anyway we left and i thought shower spider was gone forever but after a few months of being back home i was taking a shower in my bathroom which is not very clean and the drain was stopped up so as water filled the floor a spider about the size of a nickle ran out from behind a bottle lying on the floor and began to attempt to swim. spiders are not very good at that. so as he moved his arms and legs frantically but wasnt moving i picked up a bottle of tilex and began to spray him until he stopped. when i turned the shower off the water slowly left and my American shower spider lay there motionless in the floor. then i sprayed it a few more times because i felt like it and left to go about my day. it stayed there stuck to the floor for two more weeks until the cleaning ladies scraped him off the cold tile because i didnt want to touch it. even though this spider was an immeasurable amount dumber than Brazilian shower spider i still feel like i won...

the joys of being a referee

every Saturday morning in the spring and the fall i ref for a local soccer league called kicking for the cross or K4C. Its run by my highschool soccer coach and his wife. i ref the 8 9 and 10 games of second and third graders. i usually end up with boys but occasionally i get a girls game. the boys and girl are very different even at this age. its pretty obvious most of the girls dont care much for the game and i think they enjoy chanting their teams name from the sidelines more than actually playing. the girls who are on the field, for the most part, shuffle around in a huge group consisting of everyone on the field except the goalies moving together around the field at about the speed glaciers move. not only is it excruciatingly boring to watch but if you looked at most of the teams jerseys alone you would say that it is pink, so in most cases i will have the light pink team playing the hot pink team or the dark pink team playing the pink team with a hint of purple. this creates a problem because on the rare occasion that the ball escapes the bundle of pink in the middle of the field and goes out of bounds i will have to say which team gets to throw the ball in, this would be a simple task if they choose normal colors such as blue or green for jersey but since they didnt i usually end up awkwardly fumbling out a few words that make some sense to me but never to the coaches.

the pets of my family

we have had many pets come in and out of my house. the first one was appy, a dog whos still around after 17 years. we had another dog named lady, he was a collie. she died several years ago. she was the nicest dog you could ever meet, and the reason i think collies are the greatest breed of dog. the lassie movies also make me think that. we have had three cats. the first one was the devil. it had orange stripes and it was ugly and i hated it. it handled me and my brothers abuse by being mean back, we would throw it and mess with it all the time. it was fun. our second cat was named maggie, she had grey and black stripes and wasnt awful like tiger so i liked it. we are now on our third cat, her name is ellie but only my mother calls her by that name. everyone else calls it cow because it looks like a cow...shes the best cat yet because she doesnt care about anyting, we can pick her up by the paws and shell just hang there or we can bury her with random things we take from the table and again she just lays there. my sister had a fish named tyrone. he had big eyes and one fell off. hes dead now and then there were the hermit crabs we had that we left at the house when we were on vacation and when we got back they were gone. never to be found again. the last ones that i can remember were the hamsters that i fed peppermint to and it killed them

my last two days

i woke up like i do every morning early enough to be in creative writing class by 7AM after that i went to my classes like any other day and in english class i was reminded of the essay that was due the next day and when i got home at 6 after soccer practice and started the essay around 7. this essay had to have at least twenty quotes that made sense with what we were writing about and i had just discovered the day before that i had the book. after i decided what to do and found all the necessary quotes i finished writing the paper around 1:30 AM in bed by 1:45, neglecting the homework i had in other subjects. the next morning i wanted to meet my beautiful girlfriend of 11 months, megan, for breakfast before school as well as feed my neighbors cats so i woke up and hour earlier than usual at 5 AM. needless to say i was a little bit tired. when i got to school i discovered our essay wasnt due until after the weekend, i was not very happy. i got a 55 on my math due and a zero in another subject. my day was not going very well, i was in a bad mood and managed to get megan mad at me right before i had to get on a bus and ride two hours to play a soccer game. we made up early into the trip by phone, i meant to sleep on the way to the game but we were having to much fun, luckily i had bought a extra strength five hour energy that morning so i had plenty of energy come game time. we tied 1-1 and on the bus back we sat in traffic for almost two hours. everyone was tired out by the time we were out of the traffic. i tried to sleep for a while but the bumpy road we were driving on made that impossible. we had been on the bus for almost 4 hours and i was feeling the lack of sleep and i felt sick to my stomach from the road and i managed, for the second time, to make the girl i love not want to talk to me again. i fell asleep a little after one and woke up at 7 to go to work. i came home after and thats where i am now, swamped with homework, papers and projects due monday.