stairs arent cool

you never see the popular kids in the movies walking on stairs for their slow motion scene to show how awesome or good looking they are. these scenes are always set in hallways or back alleys, thats the perfect place to boost your cool with slow motion, not stairs. i understand their purpose, but its very difficult to look cool while using them. any way you walk up or down stairs people around you can make assumptions about you that arent necessarily true. if you climb too fast they will wonder what youre in a hurry for and people will eventually start calling you nerd because you always run to class. if you walk fast while wearing athletic apparel, youre too poor for a gym membership. if you walk too slowly you might get pegged as slacker or someone who is out of shape, and people will constantly ask you to race them to boost their self-esteem. if you go with the every-other step approach theyll just think youre weird, unless you have abnormally long legs then its alright. if you choose to tackle them backwards, your a freak and people will shield their children from you. if you can walk on your hands, it would be impressive, but lets be honest, it would get old and people wouldnt like you. in addition to causing people to make judgments about you, stairs are dangerous. falling down them can lead to serious health problems. escalators would be much better because theres definitely potential to look cool while youre standing still while slowly moving to another floor at the same time, but escalators are bulky and expensive which makes them impractical. a fireman's pole would be a perfect alternative for going down, and trampolines would work for going up, so lets do that.