craftmanship or craftsmanship...

you may have noticed that my blogs name is craftmanship in chaos, and if youre extra observant you also have noticed that i spelled craftsmanship wrong. i might have just realized it this morning, or maybe i did it on purpose. youll never know, becasue im not going to tell. its a decision you have to make for yourself. am i really an idiot or is there a deeper meaning to it? a clever play on words, maybe too clever. its hard to say, i would also like to point out that i know the first letter of a sentence should be capitalized and punctuation doesnt always make its way where it should be. i do know how to use correct grammar, but i chose not to do it. you might ask why, but theres not really a reason for that one. the real question is craftmanship or craftsmanship.

hey car, why are you so loud?

this is  a letter to my car, a '96 ford explorer. it makes loud noises now. it sounds a lot like i punched holes in my exhaust, but i did not, theyre there though. rust did that to my car, and now people look at me at red lights. i dont want people to do that. i might put a sign on my car that says i didnt punch holes in my exhaust. then people might realize this is not may fault and they shouldnt stare with a condescendingly at my poor little car. if my car were a man it would be super old and it would have gray, and very dirty hair and body and a raspy smoker voice and it would sometimes forget the time and my favorite radio staions. occasionally when im driving down the road, i need to stop so i put my foot on the brake, when i do this the radio stations go crazy and run up in number until i stop touching my brakes. my car is ghetto thats all.

3 minute blog

rainbows are weird all colorful and stuff, otters are cool though. its hard to think if theres a lot of stuff stuff happening around you. its been three minutes now bye

if i were an animal

i would be a spider because i dont like them, thats what batman did. but if i was a spider like batman is a bat, that would make me spiderman. thats a problem because theres already a spiderman, but thats ok becasue i would be spiderman if i were a spider a would be a spider. im not really sure thats what i want to be though because a lot of people dont like spiders and some things like to eat them so i wouldnt be a spider i would be a lion. that would be better, but i dont really want to hunt poor little antelopes and eat their raw meat so i dont want to be a lion either, i like peace. lions arent peaceful so ill be a hedgehog, their pretty peaceful and i would sharpen my back quills and live in a tree trunk.

the perfect super power

that would be super speed if you were wondering, and by super speed i dont mean the ability to run extremely fast. running fast is cool but its not the perfect super power, i mean the ability to do normal things at the speed of light, or faster.you wouldnt just be speeding your legs up, you would be able to speed your entire body up to several times the speed of light. this is perfect because you can basically teleport, fly if you jumped and walk or run on water if you choose. another thing this would allow you to do is basically stop time by moving so fast that no one is able to see you or even realize that you were gone. you could play great jokes on people or become the greatest magician ever to live. the possibilities are endless, thats why its the best.

stairs arent cool

you never see the popular kids in the movies walking on stairs for their slow motion scene to show how awesome or good looking they are. these scenes are always set in hallways or back alleys, thats the perfect place to boost your cool with slow motion, not stairs. i understand their purpose, but its very difficult to look cool while using them. any way you walk up or down stairs people around you can make assumptions about you that arent necessarily true. if you climb too fast they will wonder what youre in a hurry for and people will eventually start calling you nerd because you always run to class. if you walk fast while wearing athletic apparel, youre too poor for a gym membership. if you walk too slowly you might get pegged as slacker or someone who is out of shape, and people will constantly ask you to race them to boost their self-esteem. if you go with the every-other step approach theyll just think youre weird, unless you have abnormally long legs then its alright. if you choose to tackle them backwards, your a freak and people will shield their children from you. if you can walk on your hands, it would be impressive, but lets be honest, it would get old and people wouldnt like you. in addition to causing people to make judgments about you, stairs are dangerous. falling down them can lead to serious health problems. escalators would be much better because theres definitely potential to look cool while youre standing still while slowly moving to another floor at the same time, but escalators are bulky and expensive which makes them impractical. a fireman's pole would be a perfect alternative for going down, and trampolines would work for going up, so lets do that.

dear teachers

student: can i go to the bathroom?

teacher: i dont know can you?

if a teacher pulls this nonsense he deserves to be peppered with roadkill, seriously its a problem. im obviously not questioning my ability to go to the bathroom, im a grown man. history, math and science teachers, you arent being paid to correct my grammar, so stop it. yes, it was funny the first time i heard it in seventh grade but im not twelve anymore and it makes me want to throw things at you. the only time this is tolerable is if it comes from an english teacher, because its their job, but most of them have class so they dont say it. so non-english teachers next time you feel the urge to spice up your class with a little grammatical correction humor please dont. you may have to bite your tongue or slap someone in the face, but for all of us, please behave yourself and hold back the grammar police inside of you. its the right thing to do.

in loving memory (follow up on i have a dog)

i dont have a dog anymore. he died today laying under the big bush in the sunshine where he always sleeps. im sad now, even though he didnt really do anything but bark and sleep we miss him. we all liked to make jokes about how old he was (almost 17) and the crazy old dog things he did. things like get his chain tangled around a tree and develop droopy neck skin like a turkeys gizzard etc. but we still loved him and now that hes gone we'll miss him. RIP Appy

...sleeping

desk spider

these things are out to get me, i dont like it. ive blogged about shower spiders before and now apparently theyve moved to the computer desk. the latest of which i just smahed with a calendar. he was a big dumb one though, easy kill. however i can think of another that wasnt so easy.

• creepy little desk spider                      sunday afternoon, it was cloudy out. i caught a quick glimpse of him as he slid behind the monitor, and when i looked he was gone. a few minutes later i noticed him on the table beside the desk that holds the printer. he was stealthily scaling the side of said printer. he reached the top and just stared at me. he was a small, round jumping spider with 4 eyes and furry fangs beneath them. i didnt like the way he just sat there with his creepy little eyes so i through a pen top at him and he dodged it and stayed there staring at me, then i through the pen with deadly accuracy and he was knocked off the top of the printer but in a few seconds he was standing on the paper tray with the same stare. next i tried to smash him with a sandal but he escaped with a lightning fast jump and scurried to the bottom of the paper tray where he continued to stare. this time it was far more creepy because he was upside down in the shadow of the tray. i watched for a second then knocked him in the floor and smashed him nice, several times actually, to make sure he was gone. i celebrated for a second then went back to my homework, feeling good about my hard earned victory.

math can die

i know it really cant but thats all the more reason to want it to. if math is a dinosaur i want to be the comet, but in reality i am the dinosaur and somehow i am continually being smashed by the same comet. my little dinosaur bones have recently been crushed again, i dont even look like a dinosaur anymore. im just a pile of dust.


 on a serious note. if i were a ninja, and math was someone or something a ninja doesnt like, i would harm mathematics in every way possible. if i had a laser cannon----------------------------------------------------->
i would shoot math, math would die and i would be happy. i want to dropkick math off a cliff that overhangs an endless field of meat grinders and rhinoceroses. i dont like math.

chairs with wheels

wheels should be put on all chairs because it just makes sense. who wants to lift a chair when you can have fun rolling it. even stools should have wheels on them. these would have locks though so you can still enjoy your afternoon soup with ease. think of how much more fun walking your dog would be if you you were on a sofa. there are so many activities that could be made more fun with rolly chairs, simple things like playing the saxophone, jumping rope or bowling. wheels on dinner chairs would even make vegetables taste good and no one would ever fall asleep in church if their pew could glide across the sanctuary. as well as being extremely practical putting wheels on all chairs would be baskets of fun. everyone knows that fun in chairs that roll is the coolest and most enjoyable form of fun. one thing its not ok to do with rolling chairs is being lazy. wheels are not attached to chairs so you dont have to stand up to get the stapler thats just out of reach, they are put there to maximize fun and to make people happy. unless sleeping on your rolly couch makes you happy. sleeping on said couch would result in a slap to the face, sometimes two.

7:19 AM

im at school, thats not cool. it would be better if i were sleeping or at least in my home eating breakfast. but im not, its a sad life waking up at 5:30 every morning. i feel like im a coal miner or a traffic cop. the only people who should have to wake up this early are people who have recently been released from prison or animals (even though theyre not people). if i were an animal it would be ok to be up at such and unreasonable hour because there would be fun animal activities to be done and they would last the whole day. im not an animal though, im a human.