Beakfast

My favorite meal of the day is breakfast. It always has been, breakfast food is just better than any other type of food. Not only do I like to eat breakfast food I like to make breakfast food. I'd say my favorite food to eat for breakfast are muffins but not just any muffins. There is one kind of muffin in particular that is better in my mind than any other kind.  Giant muffins. But not just any kind of giant muffins, cream cheese flavored giant muffins from sam's. I'm convinced these are the tastiest form of giant muffin in the world. I don't know what it is about these muffins that I like so much and they come in packs of 12 muffins but only four of the twelve are cream cheese cheese. This presents a problem of what to do with the other eight. I've come up with a few solutions to my problem. I can let them dry out a little and throw them at people or my sisters cat or I can give them to homeless people those are the two that come to mind but Ive done other things similar to those and maybe in the future I'll mix them together and throw them at homeless people. I probably won't do that.

Story Part Two

The long history of these unwanted bears began with Grump Gilman. Grump was born on November 11, 1997 and in my opinion, hes done more harm to the human race than any other person to ever walk the earth. Grump grew up loving bears more than anything in the world. His love for bears in addition to his extreme awkwardness made everyone hate him. Grump was a genius but since he had dyslexia and attention deficit disorder he failed school and dropped out at the age of sixteen. A few weeks after Grump dropped out he had the idea to make bears be able to communicate with him so he would have someone to talk to. It began as a hobby but soon it took up every waking moment of his life. He had a few breakthroughs but he suddenly became ill and died having accomplished nothing but teaching a bear sign language. Grump's legacy was left in a pile of old video journals he had kept while conducting his experiments. Several years after he had died his nephews were playing hide and seek in their grandparents house and they found his videos. They began watching them and they thought they were so ridiculous that they put them on the Internet to become the next hit on YouTube. Two years later a young man also named Grump Gilman found these videos and thought it was his destiny to complete Grump's legacy and create a talking bear. The new Grump was far more successful in his experiments than the old Grump. He was doing so well that the US Army hired him and turned his hobby into top secret “Operation Bearclaw.” After nearly 300 years of secret genetic testing and modification Operation Bearclaw reached a dead end. They produced two bear-human hybrids, but they were useless to the Army. One of them was a male and the other a female. Their names were Yogie and Eve, these two barely could be called bears from a scientific perspective because almost all of their dna was replaced with that of humans or chimpanzees. However, they do have a similar physical attributes like the bears you know. They are about the size of an average person and their skin is covered with a soft coat, with colors like you are used to with bears. Their heads and faces look similar to your bears as well, and they can talk but for some reason almost every one of them have very soft, effeminate voices. After Operation Bearclaw ended they planned to terminate Yogie and Eve, but they escaped before the Army had the chance. Yogie and Eve hated humans for what they had done to them in the years of being held captive. They devised a plan to get back at the humans and take over America. As soon as they escaped they went public and after the initial shock, tree-huggers and animal rights activists welcomed them into our culture. Yogie and Eve toured the world, making billions of dollars which allowed them to move to a remote island in the Philippines where they would build an army of thousands of little bear-human babies in secret. They passed on their hatred for humans to these offspring and when they were full grown they launched their attack on America. It immediately failed but because people are stupid they were welcomed back into our society. Years passed and the bears welcome wore off and they were moved into bear-ghettos where food was scarce and hardly any of them had the opportunity for an education. As a result of this almost all of the bear youth were involved in violent bear gangs. These gangs seemed somewhat harmless at first because of the bears inability to sound threatening due to their soft, lispy voices. No one took them seriously so nothing was done until it was too late. By the time we discovered the heinous crime and living conditions of the ghettos there was nothing that could be done. They were beyond help and the population in the ghettos went up almost 600% because of welfare. Even though it was a lost effort from the start the government tried to fix the bears by taking them out of the ghettos and putting them in good communities throughout the country. Unfortunately, Gaphole was one of these communities. They stormed into our quiet town with their ridiculous bear-thug behavior and little girl voices. Nobody wanted them here and they didn't want to be here. They were forced into our school. Apparently several of them were members of opposing gangs. Recently a museum was opened in our town and we were given extra-credit to take the opening day tour. The whole school was there and as Denlin and I walked through the primitive hunting exhibit we saw of the two bears from the opposing gangs begin to get a little scruff. Everyone always liked to watch these because their raspy little girl voices made them hilarious. As I watched the speech impaired whisper fight, along with everyone else in the room, I heard a zing sound from behind me. I turned just in time to see Denlin jump in front of we and take a crossbow arrow to the chest. A little girl bear who had been left unsupervised had picked up the ancient crossbow, which was loaded for some inexplicable reason, and as she awkwardly fumbled it between her paws it fired. The arrow was headed strait for me and Denlin saved my life. Right before he died I promised him I would make things right. That is why I have written this letter and sent it back in time for you. I need you to find Grump Gilman and become his friend so he never has to make friends with a bear. It is very important that you do this for me and if my friend is returned to me I promise to send the scores of the next 300 Super Bowl games in my next letter.

colorku-evil

my mom really likes sudoku she does them all the time when she watches tv instead of actually watching

it. I don't know who, but someone gave her a gift one year called colorku. it's sudoku with a Wooden board and color balls that are used like the numbers in a normal sudoku puzzle. Personally I think sudokus are the most difficult thing japan has ever created. I can't even complete the easiest ones. Whoever made the colorku is an evil genius. Evil because its even more difficult than regular sudoku and they are only a genius if they can complete it because it really does take a genius. I've tried a couple of times but I always end up just just making patterns with the balls, which is actually very entertaining and even more difficult than actually doing the puzzle. i usually just quit and use the couch for what it was made for, sleeping and watching tv. also it's fun to throw them at my cat.

My cat just hunted fingernail clippers...

She started on one side on the couch, clippers lying on the other side. She starred at them for a while before slowly getting up and moving in her hunting pose. I thought she was coming for me but when she got closer I could tell where she was going. My mom was busy yelling at the football game on the tv..her team is still losing, I don't think she learned her lesson, now theyre losing worse. Anyway she missed out on the funniest thing my sleep deprived brain has seen all day. The cat pounced, smacked the clippers in the floor, jumped a foot in the air and two feet backwards and turned and ran into the next room. After she ran in she immediately turned and walked back leisurely to the couch and went to sleep. Now shes rolling on a towel.

english class

i am not a fan of english class. mostly because i dont like english. i wish i spoke a different language like any kind of chinese or at least had a sweet accent to compliment my english language. i can fake a accent pretty well but its not the same and i always feel like everyone can tell. i know of a way that i could not be english anymore. i could learn a foreign language and move to wherever this language is spoken. eventually i would be so emersed in the culture of this foreign land that i would completely forget that i ever came from america and life would be good.

Some people take sports way to seriously, I don't get it. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sports if it a team I care about but I know peole who will just watch any kind of sports that happen to be on the tv. Honestly if it's not Virginia tech football I'm going to fall asleep pretty quick. My dad went to school there and my brother went to the school who's beatin them now. dad left like he does whenever they're losing. Im probably going to fall asleep anyway swing as I've slept a grand total of 9 hours the last two days. This game is beginning to make me angry I think I might go join my dad or maybe try to finish some homework

incredible feat

So one day as I walked into my ap psychology class sat down on a desk an proceeded to flick my shoe off of my foot, into the air to do a complete flip then catch it back on my foot as if it never left. First time. This is a big deal. I had never successfully completed this before an I haven't been able to since. There aren't many things that I can think of that are harder to do. Successfully climbing a brick wall that is on fire while having arrows shot at you or defeating a hoard of starved lions and various other hunter cats. My point is it's a hard thing to do. There's no room for humility in this.

my girlfriend told me one day that she hates kittens. i did not understand. i can understand he hatred for full grown cats but not kittens. kittens are cute, nobody hates them. she went on to tell me about a kitten her sister was given for christmas one year. it was a black cat and for some reason it loved water, she said whenever there was running water turned on in the house it would find a way to get where the water was and then get into the water. even if someone was in the shower it would push open the door (they dont close all the way) and it would get in the shower with you. that cat sounds like a winner to me. im not really a cat person, there are many other kinds of pets i would rather have but i dont mind most cats.

i have a dog

my grandma gave him to us when i was one year old. his name is Appy because when i was that young i called all animals "appies" according to my parents and apparently they felt like that was a good name for a dog. we always liked appy when we were kids, even though he would bark all the time and run away whenever he got out of his fence or off his chain; depending on what house we were living in at the time. its pretty safe to say, at 17, theres a good chance he wont be around a whole lot longer. his hair is turning from gold to grey and it falls out sometimes. i think ill make a list of things ill remember about him.
1. having birthday parties for him at our old house
2. only one of his ears can stands up when hes listening for something
3. in the winter he gets bald spots
4. he bit my brothers face, right beneath the eye (he deserved it)
5. he only walks on three legs most of the time
6. he has nasty eye gunk but the vet gave us eye drops for him
7. he got in a fight with a raccoon and it somehow made his bark high pitched and he barely soudns like a dog anymore.
8. he cant walk in a strait line anymore
9. he wrapped himself around a tree so many times we couldnt untie him without cutting down the tree and it somehow left him with a turkey gizzard like neck roll
(happened yesterday)

shower spider

over the summer i spent two weeks on a mission trip to Brazil. we stayed in a house that had three showers for over twenty of us, in one of these showers lived shower spider. shower spider was very sneaky. only two people actually saw it but seven of us were bitten, every one of us bitten on the back of our right leg. no one knows why he choose wanted to bit us, all we were doing was trying to be clean. maybe shower spider didn't want us to be clean, he was not a nice spider like you may have read about in Charlotte's Web. he was pure evil. a kind of evil that hates clean people the most if there is such a thing. anyway we left and i thought shower spider was gone forever but after a few months of being back home i was taking a shower in my bathroom which is not very clean and the drain was stopped up so as water filled the floor a spider about the size of a nickle ran out from behind a bottle lying on the floor and began to attempt to swim. spiders are not very good at that. so as he moved his arms and legs frantically but wasnt moving i picked up a bottle of tilex and began to spray him until he stopped. when i turned the shower off the water slowly left and my American shower spider lay there motionless in the floor. then i sprayed it a few more times because i felt like it and left to go about my day. it stayed there stuck to the floor for two more weeks until the cleaning ladies scraped him off the cold tile because i didnt want to touch it. even though this spider was an immeasurable amount dumber than Brazilian shower spider i still feel like i won...